A series of rejection has made me
Wonder if there is a connection
Between the unfortunate things happening to me
And the self that I perceive myself to be.
My rhythm is off beat and my gaze has fallen
While the world keeps spinning faster
And I keep stalling.
It’s time to decide, she whispers to me softly
But I’ve been immobile for years and my shame is mighty lofty.
The only things I can make are thrown together without care
Letting my subconscious steal the spotlight while I hover in fear.
Calculation has slipped past me and time is drawing near
That I put the pieces of me together and finally have a decent year.
But wait. All this is far, far too much to ask
Of a girl who underestimates herself, based on her past.
While her zone of comfort has been slashed and she is getting cozy with cold
Everything that reverberates around her has grown old.
I have distanced myself from creating anything of quality
The only words and gestures that come forth are mere frivolities.
And yet, I’m frozen and spinning at exactly the same moment
All the while trying to figure out where in the hell my sense went.
This whirlwind of apathy has blown me away from humanity
And not a day passes by where I don’t question my sanity.
Who I thought I would be has fled from this vessel
No self portrait of myself, shining proud and successful.
All that’s left standing is a hollow, quivering shell,
Of a girl gone mad by a self fabricated hell.
If these words resonate with you, then you might know chaos
That can brew inside a poised, composed, eclectic mosaic.